-Only Two-


You NEED a TV, my parents said, and then went out and bought an expensive one against my wishes.

It was the third set offered, and the third rejected. It's now occupying the space where their green-deficient television set used to be, in the kitchen. I hope they enjoy it, and soon forgive me.

How much fun it would have been, to maintain my principles in full and reject all television. But I'm feeling magnanimous in victory. I'd like to give the appearance of compromise, even if they are completely wrong.

After a suitable bargaining period, I agreed to take a smaller television set. This must disappoint the help at the old folks home, who as far as I know were the only ones to watch it. My surviving grandfather certainly hasn’t used it ever since he stopped sitting up or unclenching his eyes.

The set was small enough to carry up the garret stairs unaided. I put it on the bureau, plugged in the antennae, and ran the auto-programming function.

Would you believe I only get the Home Shopping Network and PBS?

I'm laughing helplessly as I turn the screen to face the wall like a naughty child.