-It could be viral-

Greetings! If you are reading this message now, You are complicit.

I love you! And I love my new job. I am now a copywriter for a non-profit computer virus transmitting company.

[There's a more technical term for the group, but I hesitate to say, what with my non-disclosure agreement.]

Before I came on board, the programmers themselves took turns naming the viruses and writing the body text. They are the first to admit that what they came up with was less than inspired; it was not considered a priority during the IT bubble years, when 'constructive' technologists dominated the industry. Phrases like "Join the Crew," "Family Picture" and "Win a holiday" were about the best they could come up with, although I did kind of like the "Help a poor dog win a holiday" variant.

These days, you need content to be taken seriously.

As I understand it, I'm actually their second choice. Before I came on the scene they had tried a Chicago-based Graffiti artist known as Baime (two syllables, accent on the 'e'). Moody little thing had trouble with deadlines and the limitation of a form that didn't allow for greater artistic control, especially with the color scheme.

The techs like me, but the knowledge gap makes me an easy target for their pranks. One of their favorite tricks is engaging in programmer-talk until my eyes glaze over, than feed one of their viruses into my unprotected desktop. The next page of copy might dance about the screen, or change every verb to "farts" or some such nonsense. But coworkers Shakylegs, Creamhuff and Auntie-G never prank me on deadline. 'Huff even backed me when I fought against the naming of our prize worm. Head designer Jeff-O wanted to call it "At the end of the day.." because of the program's delightful habit of wrecking havoc around quitting time, when most executives are putting on their coats.

I told him the plain English council has voted this the most annoying of overused phrases. At first, Jeff-O believed this only supported his position, and the others nodded with disinterest. It was near quitting time for us, too, and it would have been easy for me to fix my eyes on the last donut at the conference table until everyone had exhausted their concerns.

But this was an opportunity to contribute and prove my usefulness. I'm not sure what I said, but I suppose I explained the philosophy that made them who they are. Even on Friday, it's possible to galvanize people who believe in what they do. I'm very proud of the newly christened "remember to clean the break room fridge" worm and my small part in it.

Thanks to the work ethic and entrepreneurial enthusiasm of every person here, I'm sure you'll be reading my work soon.

Greetings! If you are reading this message now, You are complicit. Complicit in what? Election fraud, Bawdy babies; Low Talking, Stalking celebrities; Double-dipping, Tipping pennies; Bake-sale squabbles, Hovel planning; And more.