-A house divided against itself-

Memo-gate is the headline our benevolent Fox affiliate chooses as the backdrop for the continuing journalistic muddle over the forged national guard records haunting CBS and Dan Rather.

"Again!" I snapped, spearing a green bean on each of the fork's three tines. "Why must they append "-gate" at the end of every scandal? 'Watergate' was the full name of the hotel, not an eternal dispensation allowing the use of 'gate' as a suffix!"

My parents and I had been discussing the issue, as our forefathers demanded half-assed displays of patriotism for as long as the commercial break shall last. A conversational detour led us to investigative journalism in general, generally not practiced in an age when the deep-pocketed can bankrupt you, no matter how much proof, or how many whistleblowers you happen to have.

Am I right, tobacco industry?

Yeah, Target Market and their ilk are silly, insinuating that we the people can't control ourselves, that our bad decisions aren't our responsibility. But you've done more than your fair share of obstruction; lungs, subsistance farming, and primetime news.

"Russell Crowe was a fake." My father tells me. It takes me a moment before I realize he's talking about the tobacco industry whistleblower Crowe played in 'The Insider.'

Later, I walked upstairs to find he had placed an internet-garnered two-page report on my bed, a Townhall column about that particular whistleblower. This is how it must have felt for Hercule Poirot, when he returned to his room on the Orient Express and found.. the scarlet kimono.

"A challenge," said he. "Very well then, I take it up."