-Invisible dog-

When I returned to the house I’m sitting, I took in the large fenced-in back yard, the indeterminate number of worn tennis balls, and the metal baseball bat the color of redwoods.

These are the three ingredients for hours of dog entertainment.

Just one week ago on this very spot, a Labrador fetched fly balls until vermicelli strands of drool extended from her snout to her wattles. At the time, the exercise of cracking balls into the outfield for this animal’s pleasure seemed a chore. Today I pick up the bat and wonder if I should hit a few, even though I would have to do the shagging myself.

And even though this cat person can resist the urge to play with an invisible dog, canines would figure big in his future. On my way home, a golden retriever ran wide circles on a 45 mph stretch of highway. He – the dog was proudly, visibly male – lacked any semblance of car smarts.

Before man’s best friend could take second place to a bus, I and a few other nearby drivers engaged our emergency flashers, left our cars, and attempted to corral a dumb but fleet quadruped; proving, perhaps, that as foolish as our pets are, they usually get the last laugh.

Eventually, the dog stopped circling to gnaw on leftover chicken pieces slated for my cat. Unfair of me to reward bad behavior, but it kept the animal on the shoulder long enough for his owner to catch up.

This is the second time he did this, she tells us. “We just changed the batteries on his collar last week.” By now, we’d all noted the ineffective shock collar.
“Might be time for a real fence.” Said another driver, none too gently.

Angry and embarrassed retorts were sure to follow, so I proffered the remainder of chicken - here you go – which the owner took from my greasy, saliva coated fingers.