-Pre-sleep Study-

Eventually, scientists will attach a modified lojack to my wrist in order to make certain I am regulating my sleep as promised.

Until then, I have timesheets that are a kind of promise.

I've been cheating.

I've been cheating, but my body is also complicit. Think of all the things I could do between 11:30 P.M. (when J. wants me to sleep) and 2:30 A.M. (when my body wants to sleep)! Surely, there is nothing I couldn't do between 11:30 and 2:30 that I could not do between 6:30 A.M. and 8:30 the next day, right?

I think so, but the body isn't having it.

One week until the infernal device demands my compliance. A few predictions about how it will pan out:

-The subject stays up late and wakes up early for the study, and the brief instance of REM sleep is interrupted by the cat. The results are skewed. Science is never the same.

-After lying awake in bed for three hours, the panicked test subject attempts to disarm the wrist sensor with an eyeglass screwdriver. Science is never the same.

Or, most likely..

-The subject is unable to synch his sleep with the study through natural means. As a result, he must pick a fight every night for two weeks, and, in the course of that fight, be knocked out. Science breathes a sigh of relief.