-Alone in the Booth-

When I entered the polling place, a woman in a blue powersuit with maize hair used her hip to block an older man wearing a bow tie. "First time voter?" Her voice is so unctious, and she doesn't wait for my answer. She unfolds a larger than life depiction of the ballot that appears in the booth. "For example, if you want to vote straight-ticket Republican, you pull this lever." I wait. She smiles, and gives no other instructions.

"And if I want to split the ticket.."
"If you want to vote for individual candidates, simply push the buttons by each of their names, which causes them to light up." She pantomimes pushing buttons down the list of Republican candidates. "Just make sure you press this "cast ballot" button after you've made your final selections.

As voter intimidation goes, this is laughably bad, and strangely disappointing. How much more fun would it have been, had I told her who I was voting for, and as a result, the woman in the blue power suit with the maize hair shrieks, claps her hands to her temples, and leaps out of her own skin to reveal a body of gun-metal gray and sardonyx.