-You have a problem-

Not you, and not me; we're talking about a third party friend of my brother who became the topic of conversation at the family dinner table.

Every family member wasn't present - sorry Yellocello, but you and A didn't miss much - so the four remaining people sat in a perfect square; parents on one side, sons on the other.

So when my brother told us his friend has a drinking problem, I was fascinated by the reactions.

Each corner of the square played its part - my brother described the problem, asked us if he should do something, then peppered the rest of the conversation with anecdotes meant to solicit what exactly? Sometimes shock at the depths to which his friend had sunk, and other times a spirited defense of his friend's redeemability?

My mother, who has been critical of this alcoholic friend in the past, who whispered her disapproval to us since she first heard of his problems on the mother network, now fretted for him. Isn't that a mother's way, when someone is in need, to do all in her power to assist? But here she qualified her generosity; insisted that her son get the help of many others before he tries to confront an alcoholic.

My father is in favor of gathering an intervention, but he is troubled by each new revelation of barely avoided bar room brawls, nips at lunchtime, surly intoxicant behavior. Why, he asked, is his son traveling with someone so impaired into these misadventures? He doesn't believe my brother can control the friend's excesses as well as he claims. He believes an alcoholic could easily bring about the destruction of sober people who clean up after them.

And me? For the most part I was silent, collecting information from articles in the past, and thinking about organizations I know still operate in the present. We know AA works best in combination with some private therapy and detox - what cocktail of treatments should be presented at the intervention, and which is appropriate to him? How should the intervention itself be structured?

The other points in the square weren't talking about logistics yet. They weren't ready to research the problem, much less act on a solution. They were talking about feelings, and I felt it wasn't my place to put much more emotion into the mix. When this dinner was over, the conversation would come up again in miniature, but no point in the square will do anything more then fret until another incident worsens the situation, or nullifies it.

That's a perfect, immobile square. That's human nature, to let a problems run their course, for good or for ill. Maybe if I send the information I compiled to the other square points, they will overpower their square inertia and act out their parts. And maybe I won't in time, because I'm human, too.