-Oh, the Proximity-

The Post Gazette ran the story on the font page. "Kofi to Chide U.S. [at Heinz Fellowship lecture series]."

One might have thought Annan's visit would bring the protestors and extra security personnel out in force. In reality, we're looking at two pamphleteers and big galoot in a leather jacket who would not have looked out of place telling people to "keep their hands off the girls."

Culled from the nationality room tours at the University of Pittsburgh's cathedral of learning, each usher wore a shaky version of a different country's nationality garb.

Just before the first twenty-minute round of introductions began, the volunteer ushers formed two lines and walked up to the front of the chamber. Once they had stretched to fill the front row, they paused as a group, assumedly waiting for the applause that followed. Some waved.

The exercise was silly, and they knew it. But they have too much invested in the mentors that organized this activity to do anything other than smile weakly and accept the blow to self-esteem.

Next, twenty to thirty minutes of choral arrangements. Filler, to keep the late-arriving Annan from seeming late, saving him audience ire.

They should not have bothered. After that, it was another thirty minutes of preamble, self-congratulation, and Ketchup commercial before the great man speaks.

In a way, I felt for the Chancellor, if only in that particular moment where his tone became obsequious with Ketchup metaphors. The Heinz flag was always a part of the projector screen, topped only by the university flag, and that of the UN.

Since peace was a major topic, perhaps it's only natural that Ketchup "containing natural mellowing agents" would play a role.

There were no surprises from Annan. He didn't take any chances, as I suppose secretaries-general are not wont to do. The only thing I'll remember about his speech in a few hours is the part about the doomed delegation the UN sent to Baghdad. He spoke slowly about the need to 'protect his people' with the air of one who takes the catastrophe as a learning experience.

It was here that I wanted to rise to me feet and turn this into Q and A. "We know why they hate us, Secretary-General. Why do they hate you?"

The rest made my eye-lids heavy. I'm in a non-charitable mood.

Which is why I attended a peace corp recruitment session with the express purpose of gathering more do-gooder information. My feelings on this issue (and I, a lifelong volunteer) need to be sorted out before I help anyone else, and before anyone else (like Kofi Annan) demands my help.