-Headlines will roll-

My zip-disk just gave up its ghost.
I can open it. I can open the files contained therein.
There's just no way to change the files, or save new ones. Viewing only. Call it zip-ROM.

This particular zip -- an iomega 100 -- was liberated from work three years ago. Before you leave this place in search of another moral exemplar, let me assure you that this organization had taken more than one zip-disk (among other things) from me. It was that kind of place.

In any case, I felt the need to reflect on its contents before I performed the final rites and move onto another storage square. Most of the contents were unremarkable, save the folder known only as "Letters," which contained exactly six text files, titled thus:

Diner waitresses know how to serve you
Panhandler Peddlers [content seen here]
Some Points
Erodynamics
Rappin' a little off the front
Steel town update [content seen here]

Any journalistically-inclined readers who have not worked on college newspapers in recent times can tell you that headline writing is an art. Hopefully they will not tell you that, because anyone who uses the term "---- is an art" is a sanctimonious ass. All of the titles above, in traditional Monk fashion, double as headlines within. All of the headlines made a greater impression on me, in retrospect, than the content did.

"Some Points" is admittedly utilitarian, as is "Steel Town Update." The latter is improved markedly when changed to "Steel City Loafs." "Rappin' a little off the front" probably seems nonsensical, until you read the content about Anthony Rapp playing the title role in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." No doubt "Panhandler Peddlers" sounds like simple alliteration, until you think about their method of garnering income, their place of work, and their relationship with fixed businesses and public officials, which is pretty much the same on all counts. "Diner waitresses know how to serve you" is more than punchy and raunchy, it's a proven fact.

"Erodynamics" is empty.

I'd intended to write something, even tossed a few themes around, but something momentous occurred. As a result, I removed everything except the headline, in anticipation of filling it later.

It's time to fill it.

Confidential to those who would steal my thunder:
I know how to find you, thunder-thieves -- don't ask how -- and I will not hesitate to make you suffer, should you snatch "erodynamics" with your oily, evil talons.