-Here's Mrs. Mel, to show you how to start the saw.-

If it's all about the commercials for some people, I would recommend that one 30-second Superbowl spot be given, gratis, to one of those small businesses herethereto limited by cost to local access television. It might be a restaurant, or a place that sells pool cleaning supplies. As long as the wooden-faced owner appears in the commercial, and the last shot is a map with an interstate, it qualifies.

Sometimes they have only the outdoor shot of the building. Voice-overs so bland and lacking in energy, you would swear a defeated rival is reading the script. Others are full of life and bad jokes. "Help!" stage screams the owner's spouse from behind a two-dimensional cutout resembling aquarius. "Drowning in Debt?" ask the announcer. "Uh-huh." replies the spouse, stepping out of character and looking right at the camera. "Kimberly Camp's Debt Consolidation service can help!" booms the announcer, and a life preserver inscribed (you guessed it) "Kimberly Camp's Debt Consolidation" is thrown by a stage hand at the spouse, who steps back in character in time to catch the pressed styrofoam. "Thanks, Kimberly Camp!"

I imagine the director yelling cut, and leaning into the director of photography.

"I've had a vision. Why not surround the spouse with cardboard shark fins? We've got to convey more danger! A month from now, I want everybody on highway 12 to think: Debt is Jaws, Kimberly Camp is Sheriff Brody!"

Why not slip a low-tech, no frills commercial in with all of those multi-million dollar, glitzy ads? Consider it a populist tribute.